A man needs admiration for his abilities, appearance and character traits. We always crave for a word or two of appreciation from the people around us, but the appreciation becomes even special when they come from the person we love. And this is true of both (abiria na hata wale ambao washa assume status ya co-driver) I saw a poem somewhere and let me share it here:
“If with pleasure you are viewing
any work that a man is doing,
if you like him or love him
Tell him now,
Don’t withhold your approbation
till he makes an oration
as he lies with snowy lilies o’er his brow
For no mater how you shout it,
he won’t really care about it
he won’t know how many tear drops
you have shed.
If you think some praise is due him,
now is the time to slip it to him
for he cannot read his tombstone
when he is dead.
It is an undeniable fact that this is not a men’s alone need, but to the largest extent, it makes many relationships crumble. When all you are getting from your spouse is criticism and advice to change your looks to change everything about you, but when you go to work every woman admires you, you begin to question “What is wrong with her that she cannot see what everyone else sees in me?
It is true that a man will fall in love with a woman who makes him feel stronger, more capable, more intelligent, and more attractive than he’s ever felt before. If you build him up, his confidence will grow, and guess what he will love you even more.
Most if not all drivers enjoy when they feel that their passengers approve them. If your ideas are always crushed when you present them, you will never feel like sharing them with your spouse any more. Have you ever had this thing in your mind, it is a great plan that you really can’t wait to share it, and you choose not to share it with someone else but your someone special, you can’t wait till you meet them on weekend, you share the grand idea that you have kept all week long and all you get is “oh, that is good” end of story! What! Really? Is that all you can say? Or she comes out with an alternative to your idea…I tell you what! this is a recipe for a failure. And if there is a passenger out there who knows how to appreciate and encourage the man to keep dreaming, and she applauds all his achievements, will you complain if you see the driver slowing down the car and loosening your seatbelt while ushering another person in the car? Really? Well, man is a very sensitive creature and if you manage to keep him fueled, he will never ever see the passengers but you.
Do you know that many passengers have no faith in their drivers? Imagine this really, you are traveling and all you hear your passenger saying is praises of how well another driver is doing, and she has never uttered one of those to you, even though you see yourself with some of the qualities she is singing about the other guy. Nancy Van Pelt in her book ‘Highly Effective marriage’ says “a spouse has the power to elevate her husband or to crush him altogether just with her few words of approval and appreciation”
Men enjoy when they are respected! Do I need to say more here? Well you may be using a humble tone with crushing words or some highly crushing words but in a mother-Theresa kind of tome, all this has the same downgrading effect on your driver…girls learn those words that make him be a man. Believe me, if you learn to respect him before you are married to him, it will not change. I have heard some say…well he is not my husband, why should I respect him so much now? Guess what! There won’t be another you after the I DO’s. Just plan it now and you will effect it even in your children’s attitude.
Help him feel accepted as he is and if there is a possible change that you want him to effect, help him do it after you accept him as he is and showing that you really love him. I have more to share and I know many men here in this platform have lot’s to share but we don’t want to read endless essays so let me leave this here and I will add some more next time ……
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