WHAT MEN ENJOY IN RELATIONSHIPS

A man needs admiration for his abilities, appearance and character traits. We always crave for a word or two of appreciation from the people around us, but the appreciation becomes even special when they come from the person we love. And this is true of both (abiria na hata wale ambao washa assume status ya co-driver) I saw a poem somewhere and let me share it here:

“If with pleasure you are viewing

any work that a man is doing,

if you like him or love him

Tell him now,

Don’t withhold your approbation

till he makes an oration

as he lies with snowy lilies o’er his brow

For no mater how you shout it,

he won’t really care about it

he won’t know how many tear drops

you have shed.

If you think some praise is due him,

now is the time to slip it to him

for he cannot read his tombstone

when he is dead.

It is an undeniable fact that this is not a men’s alone need, but to the largest extent, it makes many relationships crumble. When all you are getting from your spouse is criticism and advice to change your looks to change everything about you, but when you go to work every woman admires you, you begin to question “What is wrong with her that she cannot see what everyone else sees in me?

It is true that a man will fall in love with a woman who makes him feel stronger, more capable, more intelligent, and more attractive than he’s ever felt before. If you build him up, his confidence will grow, and guess what he will love you even more.

Most if not all drivers enjoy when they feel that their passengers approve them. If your ideas are always crushed when you present them, you will never feel like sharing them with your spouse any more. Have you ever had this thing in your mind, it is a great plan that you really can’t wait to share it, and you choose not to share it with someone else but your someone special, you can’t wait till you meet them on weekend, you share the grand idea that you have kept all week long and all you get is “oh, that is good” end of story! What! Really? Is that all you can say? Or she comes out with an alternative to your idea…I tell you what! this is a recipe for a failure. And if there is a passenger out there who knows how to appreciate and encourage the man to keep dreaming, and she applauds all his achievements, will you complain if you see the driver slowing down the car and loosening your seatbelt while ushering another person in the car? Really? Well, man is a very sensitive creature and if you manage to keep him fueled, he will never ever see the passengers but you.

Do you know that many passengers have no faith in their drivers? Imagine this really, you are traveling and all you hear your passenger saying is praises of how well another driver is doing, and she has never uttered one of those to you, even though you see yourself with some of the qualities she is singing about the other guy. Nancy Van Pelt in her book ‘Highly Effective marriage’ says “a spouse has the power to elevate her husband or to crush him altogether just with her few words of approval and appreciation”

Men enjoy when they are respected! Do I need to say more here? Well you may be using a humble tone with crushing words or some highly crushing words but in a mother-Theresa kind of tome, all this has the same downgrading effect on your driver…girls learn those words that make him be a man. Believe me, if you learn to respect him before you are married to him, it will not change. I have heard some say…well he is not my husband, why should I respect him so much now? Guess what! There won’t be another you after the I DO’s. Just plan it now and you will effect it even in your children’s attitude.

Help him feel accepted as he is and if there is a possible change that you want him to effect, help him do it after you accept him as he is and showing that you really love him. I have more to share and I know many men here in this platform have lot’s to share but we don’t want to read endless essays so let me leave this here and I will add some more next time ……

MARRYING AN UNBELIEVER

THIS LETTER TO LAURA LOOKS AT THE QUESTION OF MARRYING AN UNBELIEVER AS DID THE PREVIOUS ONE TO ROSE. SOME RATHER POINTED QUESTIONS ARE ASKED BY THE PROPHET. HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER THEM IF YOU WERE IN LAURA'S PLACE?
AS YOU READ THIS LETTER, OTHER QUESTIONS MIGHT WELL BE ASKED OF EVERY GIRL WHO CONSIDERS SUCH A MARRIAGE. ARE YOU BEING FAIR AND HONEST WITH THE YOUNG MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY YOU?
IN THIS LETTER PUBLISHED IN TESTIMONIES, VOLUME 5, ELLEN WHITE DEFINES AN UNBELIEVER AS ONE WHO "HAS NOT ACCEPTED THE TRUTH FOR THIS TIME." 86
St. Helena, Calif. February 13, 1885

Dear Laura:
I have learned of your contemplated marriage with one who is not united with you in religious faith and I fear that you have not carefully weighed this important matter. Before taking a step which is to exert an influence upon all your future life, I urge you to give the subject careful and prayerful deliberation. Will this new relationship prove a source of true happiness? Will it be a help to you in the Christian life? Will it be pleasing to God? Will your example be a safe one for others to follow?

Before giving her hand in marriage, every woman should inquire whether he with whom she is about to unite her destiny is worthy. What has been his past record? Is his life pure? Is the love which he expresses of a noble, elevated character, or is it a mere emotional fondness? Has he the traits of character that will make her happy? Can she find true peace and joy in his affection? Will she be allowed to preserve her individuality, or must her judgement and conscience be surrendered to the control of her husband? As a disciple of Christ, she is not her own; she has been bought with a price. Can she honour the Saviour's claims as supreme? Will body and soul, thoughts and purposes, be preserved pure and holy? These questions have a vital bearing upon the well-being of every woman who enters the marriage relation.
Religion is needed in the home. Only this can prevent the grievous wrongs which so often embitter married life. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish love. Angels of God will be guests in the home, and their holy vigils will hallow the marriage chamber.

I entreat you to ponder the step you contemplate taking. Ask yourself: "Will not an unbelieving husband lead my thoughts away from Jesus? He is a lover of pleasure more than a lover of God; will he not lead me to enjoy the things that he enjoys?" The path to eternal life is steep and rugged. Take no additional weights to retard your progress.

The Lord commanded ancient Israel not to intermarry with the idolatrous nations around them. The reason is given. Infinite Wisdom, foreseeing the result of such unions, declares: "For they will turn away thy son from following Me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly." "For thou art an holy people unto the Lord they God: the Lord thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto Himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth."

In the New Testament are similar prohibitions concerning the marriage of Christians with the ungodly. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?"

Laura, dare you disregard these plain and positive directions? As a child of God a subject of Christ's kingdom, the purchase of His blood, how can you connect yourself with one who does not acknowledge His claims? who is not controlled by His Spirit? The commands I have quoted are not the word of man, but of God. Though the companion of your choice were in all other respects worthy (which he is not), yet he has not accepted the truth for this time; he is an unbeliever, and you are forbidden of heaven to unite yourself with him. You cannot, without peril to your soul, disregard this divine injunction.

You may say: "But I have given my promise, and shall I now retract it?" I answer: If you have made a promise contrary to the Scriptures, by all means retract it without delay, and in humility before God repent of the infatuation that led you to make so rash a pledge. Far better take back such a promise, in the fear of God, than keep it and thereby dishonour your Maker.

There is in the Christian world an astonishing, alarming indifference to the teaching of God's word in regard to the marriage of Christians with unbelievers. Many who profess to love and fear God choose to follow the bent of their own minds rather than take counsel of Infinite Wisdom. In a matter which vitally concerns the happiness and well-being of both parties for this world and the next, reason, judgement, and the fear of God are set aside, and blind impulse, stubborn determination, is allowed to control .

Men and women who are otherwise sensible and conscientious close their ears to counsel; they are deaf to the appeals and entreaties of friends and kindred and of the servants of God. The expression of a caution or warning is regarded as impertinent meddling, and the friend who is faithful enough to utter a remonstrance is treated as an enemy.

All this is as Satan would have it. He weaves his spell about the soul, and it becomes bewitched, infatuated. Reason lets fall the reins of self-control upon the neck of lust, unsanctified passion bears sway, until, too late, the victim awakens to a life of misery and bondage. This is not a picture drawn by the imagination, but a recital of facts. God's sanction is not given to unions which He has expressly forbidden.
For years I have been receiving letters from different persons who have formed unhappy marriages, and the revolting histories opened before me are enough to make the heart ache. It is no easy thing to decide what advice can be given to these unfortunate ones, or how their hard lot can be lightened; but their sad experience should be a warning to others.

You are under the most sacred obligation not to belittle or compromise your holy faith by uniting with the Lord's enemies. If you are tempted to disregard the injunctions of His word because others have done so, remember that your example also will exert an influence. Others will do as you do, and thus the evil will be extended.
The very strongest incentives to faithfulness are set before us, the highest motives, the most glorious rewards. Christians are to be Christ's representatives, sons and daughters of God.
May God help you to stand the test and preserve your integrity. Cling by faith to Jesus. Disappoint not your Redeemer.
With deepest affection,
Ellen White . Letter in Testimonies , vol. 5, pp. 361-368


Will You Gamble with Your Marriage?
The unbelieving may possess an excellent moral character; but the fact that he or she has not answered to the claims of God, and has neglected so great salvation, is sufficient reason why such a union should not be consummated.
The plea is sometimes made that the unbeliever is favourable to religion and is all that could be desired in a companion except in one thing--he is not a Christian. Although the better judgement of the believer may suggest the impropriety of a union for life with an unbeliever, yet, in nine cases out of ten, inclination triumphs. Spiritual declension commences the moment the vow is made at the altar; religious fervour is dampened, and one stronghold after another is broken down, until both stand side by side under the black banner of Satan. Even in the festivities of the wedding, the spirit of the world triumphs against conscience, faith, and truth. In the new home the hour of prayer is not respected. The bride and bridegroom have chosen each other and dismissed Jesus.

At first the unbelieving one may make no show of opposition in the new relation; but when the subject of Bible truth is presented for attention and consideration, the feeling at once arises: "You married me, knowing that I was what I am; I do not wish to be disturbed. From henceforth let it be understood that conversation upon your peculiar views is to be interdicted!" If the believer should manifest any special earnestness in regard to his faith, it might seem like unkindness toward the one who has no interest in the Christian experience.

Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterised by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honour God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve.

Ukristo Korokoroni-Tanzania Usiyoijua!

Wapendwa hivi karibuni nilipata fursa ya kwenda kufanya kazi sehemu za Pemba katika shughuli zangu za ajira. Nilipokuwa nikielekea huko nilipata mashaka kama huko ninaweza nikapata kanisa la wasabato la kuabudia hivyo nilifanya mawasiliano na baadhi ya watu walio Unguja na wakaniambia kanisa lipo na kupewa mawasiliano.

Nilipofika Pemba nilifanikiwa kufika katika eneo wafanyalo ibada waadventista wasabato katika eneo la Chakechake maeneo yaitwayo vitongoji. Eneo hilo ni eneo la kambi ya jeshi ambapo ndipo jamii za kikristo zimepata fursa za kujenga maeneo yao ya ibada, na kwa upande wa wasabato wao wanatumia jengo la shule ya msingi ya zamani ya jeshi kufanyia ibada zao. Eneo hili ndilo eneo pekee ambalo waadventista wasabato wanakusanyika rasmi kufanya ibada kama kanisa. Nilipofika hapo nilikuta jamii iliyochangamka yenye kumtukuza Mungu huku watu wengi wakiwa wamewahi kuanzia darasa la walimu la saa 2. Kuwahi kwao ni kana kwamba kila mtu alitambua kwamba yeye ni muhimu na kuchelewa kwake kuna nafasi ya kuathiri mwenendo mziwa wa kanisa, kwani kanisa lina idadi ya jumla ya watu kati ya 20 ikijumuisha wakubwa na wadogo. Nilifurahishwa na vipindi vyao vilivyozingatia muda vyema.

Nikiwa ninasali katika kanisa hili ndipo nilipopata taarifa kutoka kwa mmoja wa wainjilisti wetu (ambaye ndiye aliyenielekeza kanisa kwa njia ya simu) kuwa eneo analoishi yeye halina uhuru wa kuabudu kama huo niliokuta hapo au ambao nimeuzoea mahali pengine popote. Jambo hili liliibua udadisi wangu na akanikaribisha kwenda kuabudu nao katika maeneo yao, mkoa wa kusini, wilaya ya Mkoani. Nilipanga na nilikwenda huko. Nilipofika huko nilistaajabia kukuta hali ambayo nilikuwa nafikiri inafanyika pengine nchi za uarabuni na kikomunisti ikiwa ipo Tanzania hii. Waumini wetu huko wanaabudu kwa kificho kikubwa.

Katika mazingira hayo jamii ya wenyeji nao kwa uaminifu katika imani yao wanafanya kila jitihada kuhakikisha ukristo haupenyi wala kupata nafasi katika jamii yao. Hivyo mtu yeyote anayebainika kuwa anajishughulisha na mambo ya dini ya kikristo huwa katika hatari ya kutopata nyumba ya kupanga, kutoungwa mkono katika shughuli zake za kiuchumi endapo kama zitawategea wao kwa kiasi fulani, mfano biashara. Kwa kuwa jamii kubwa ya waumini wetu walioko huko ni watu walioenda kujishughulisha na shughuli za kilimo basi hiyo huhatarisha upataji wao wa vibarua, makazi n.k. Kwa upande mwingine kwa wale walio tayari kukana imani wao huweza kupata vibarua vingi, makazi ya bure, na hata binti wa kuoa endapo watakuwa tayari. Hizi ni baadhi ya picha zikionyesha hali katika maeneo hayo ya ndugu zetu.

Ibada ya sabato ndani ya chumba kilichofungwa. Ibada hizi hufanyika bila hata ya uimbaji kuondoa hali ya kubainika. Ibada hizi huwa za muda mfupi tu kama nusu saa hivi. Wanaoonekana ni watu wote katika ibada hiyo (ongeza na mpiga picha)

Mwinjilisti (mwenye kofia gotini) akiwa na baadhi ya waumini na wanafunzi wa biblia muda wa alasiri siku ya sabato alipowatembelea kwa ajili ya kufanya nao ibada na kujifunza nao biblia. Hiyo nyumba ni nyumba ambayo haitumiki hivyo ilifaa kwa kujibanzia. Shauku ya neno ni kubwa sana katika maeneo haya.

Waumini pia hugawana maeneo na mwinjilisti kwa ajili ya kuwatembelea waumini ili kuwatia moyo na kujifunza nao. Waumini hao nao hualika marafaiki zao ili waweze kujifunza nao habari njema. Maeneo haya hayana wainjilisti wa vitabu, maduka ya ABCs- Adventist Book Centes. Vijuzuu pia havipatikani kirahisi

Picha ya pamoja mwinjilisti na waumini na wanafunzi wa biblia. Biblia hizi mwinjilisti hutembea nazo maana waumini hawa ni wapya na hawana biblia, hali kadhalika wanafunzi mara kadhaa humpasa kuwaachia biblia hizo ili wajifunze nazo.

Picha ya pamoja na waumini na wanafunzi wengine baada ya kufanya ibada ya jioni ya sabato ndani ya jiko lao.

Katika makambi yaliyopita mwezu huu wa 7 roho mpya 5 zilibatizwa kutoka maeneo haya. Binafsi niliguswa na mazingira haya na kuamua kufanya kitu kwa ajili ya ndugu zetu hawa katika Bwana. Unapokuwa unasali kumbuka watu hawa waishio katika mazingira magumu ya ibada na endapo ukiwiwa kufanya jambo kwa ajili yao unaweza kuwasiliana moja kwa moja na mwinjilisti wao kwa nambari 0718-109936. Pamoja na hayo kama kuna namna ambayo unaweza ukafikiria kuwa endapo ikibuniwa au ikitumiwa katika mazingira hayo inaweza kufaa kuwasaidia watu hawa wa Mungu katika kumwabudu Mungu wao usisite kutoa maoni yako. Kumbuka watu hawa wengi wao hawana miongozo ya kujifunza biblia-lesoni, hawana masomo ya nchi za mbali na hata mahala rasmi pa kuabudia, hivyo kufanya ibada zao kutokuwa kama zenye mfumo tuliuzoea bali zenye kuendana na mazingira, ambapo mara nyingine zisifanyike kabisa. Hivyo maoni yako yanaweza yakafanya jambo jema katika jamii hii ya kanisa la Mungu ulimwenguni.